Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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