actually, I'm a sock model
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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