My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
