Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
