great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
