Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
