sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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