But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
