she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
