So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
