it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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