On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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