This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
