your room smells of hookers.
And success
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
