You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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