redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
How's work?
Spinning.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
