ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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