I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
