This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
