i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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