I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
