I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize