i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
