I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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