We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
