That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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