I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
