yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
