i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
