We're like a lot better than the average bears
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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