She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
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I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.