I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
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Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.