Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.