Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000