I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
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My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
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Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles