god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
