im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
