and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
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Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
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I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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