this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize