even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
