He passed out mid-signature
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
