dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
