Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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