Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
