im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
