her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
