I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
