so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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