Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize