i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
