Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
