mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
