I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
