umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
