Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
