Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
