her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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