I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
