My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
