So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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